Working Women Working Better

Women’s Power Circles – my personal experience

2009-06-03T12:21:00.028+01:00

The title of Rosjke Hasseldine’s book "The Silent Female Scream" resonated with me as soon as I heard the author’s brief synopsis at a networking event last year. In fact I was recommending it to many people before even having read it myself.

I already knew from my own life experience, as well as from the wonderful people I have been privileged to coach, that it is inevitably our beliefs which hold us back, or cause us to put on the brakes. For women, many of these beliefs are linked to our culture’s “accepted” perception of the woman’s role.

Rosjke’s extensively researched book, backed by her own psychotherapy practice, gives a clear insight into how this perception is passed on from generation to generation, and how women themselves, often without realising it, perpetuate inequality. The good news is this; if we are responsible we also have the power to change if we choose to.

To sustain change as an individual though is incredibly difficult when we still need to live and operate in the society and culture that does not necessarily like or support that change.

Enter Women’s Power Circles, which Rosjke started running in 2008. I became a circle member earlier this year, and for six weeks eagerly anticipated meeting up with my new friends. I am sure that every circle is special to its members (limited to maximum 7 women); I was overwhelmed by the rich diversity of backgrounds, talent, experience, knowledge, skill, compassion and feminine strength (sometimes yet to be discovered) that surrounded and supported me each time my circle came together.

Each week we listened and were listened to without judgement; we shared, explored and disclosed as much or as little as we felt comfortable to; cheered each other on for minor and major successes and encouraged anyone who felt they had had a setback; we laughed, cried, celebrated, stepped out of and extended our comfort zones; all in the knowledge that this was a safe and confidential place to be vulnerable while we explored our thoughts and emotions and beliefs.

So what did I gain from my experience? Well it was certainly life-changing, in a subtle rather than dramatic way, and many seeds of change that were planted during those first six weeks will continue to grow and bear fruit in time future. The most immediate benefits though for me were:

- Increased confidence in speaking my truth, in an assertive non-threatening way
- Identifying boundaries that I need to honour to maintain my own integrity
- Valuing my own unique contribution to the world
- Knowing that I share similar emotions and experiences with other women, and they are OK
- A renewed admiration and respect for the way my mother, against many odds, rebelled against “accepted” perceptions, and made my life journey easier as a result

To find out more about Women’s Power Circles, and a Circle near you, please contact sue@resolutions-for-change.co.uk

The Power of Women Working Together

2009-03-06T15:58:00.010Z

There can be no doubt after yesterday's Women In Business conference that there is a groundswell of women in the East Midlands ready to make a difference in the world.

It is the first time I have attended such a large conference or networking event where everybody I met was so open and willing to share themselves and their experiences for a common aim - to celebrate the successes of the Women of Worth award winners, obviously, but also to support and encourage every woman who is striving for success in business and in life.

Congratulations to K-C Jones conference events for gathering together such an amazing array of inspirational speakers and workshop leaders, and thanks of course to EMDA and the other business agencies who sponsored and supported the event.

I think the quote by Kavita Oberoi that summed it up was from Matthew Arnold:

“If ever the world sees a time when women shall come together purely and simply for the benefit of mankind, it will be a power such as the world has never seen"

How big is your handbag?

2009-01-13T15:05:00.009Z

I caught myself musing the other day, whilst carrying a rucksack (for my convenience), about the size of bag that we women carry around. This was prompted by the fact that other members of the family had also put in some of their belongings for me to carry (for their convenience).

The same thing used to happen when I had a bigger handbag. I needed a bag large enough to carry my purse - in itself a treasure trove of paper clips, safety pins, plasters, store cards, loyalty cards, credit cards and occasionally some money; make-up bag – in addition to lipsticks etc. containing arnica and rescue remedy in case anybody had a bang or a shock; two sets of keys; cheque book (yes, some businesses still accept them); driving licence; wet wipes; tissues; selection of pens; more recently my reading glasses; and a tape measure – don’t ask!

Inevitably when out and about I would be equipped to cope with practically any situation that arose. The downside was that I would also be asked to carry other people’s wallets, gameboys, mobile phones, hats, sweets, etc. etc. etc.

The easy solution, of course, was to buy a smaller bag, which I did last year – and now just struggle to take out the purse without the specs flying out as well!

On a more serious note, however, which is where my musings began, we often talk about the bag of beliefs that we carry with us through life. Some of our beliefs are inherited from others (my mother always had an extremely equipped shoulder bag), some we develop from our own experiences (I often find the wet wipes useful). Many of them we are not even aware of, yet if they are no longer serving a useful purpose they could be slowing us down unnecessarily. Have you ever found a forgotten sticky toffee lurking in the bottom of your bag? It usually only comes to light if you decide to have a good clear out, or if it starts to cause a problem and then you have to investigate.

So as we move into a New Year, I encourage you to review the contents of your belief bag, and take out the things that you no longer need for your onward journey. If you would like any help with this, please give me a call.

As for my rucksack, I made it clear that I would not be held responsible for the belongings inside that were not my own. So even if other people’s “stuff” is in the same space as yours, you can choose whether or not you want to adopt it as your own.

For example, we are being told many things about the current state of the global economy, few of them positive. The important thing is, do you believe you have what it takes to make 2009 a great year for you? That needs to be in your belief bag.

For this year I wish you all the success that you dare to dream of, and are prepared to work for.

If you want to be sure your beliefs are supporting you as you work towards your dreams, I would love to work with you to make 2009 your best year yet.
sue@resolutions-for-change.co.uk

By the way, those of you who like handbags that are beautiful and different may like to check out the following websites:
www.redshoesmemories.com
www.handbagfever.co.uk

Balancing Act - Work and Children

2008-08-12T18:17:00.014+01:00

Shortly after setting up my business, almost twenty years ago, I was very excited to attend a conference for business women (in itself a rare event in those days), as one of the keynote speakers was Anne Dickson, whose book A Woman in your Own Right I had just finished reading.

Anne certainly lived up to expectations, but what I had not in my naivety expected was to hear so many business women, on and off stage, exhorting the urgent need for quality child care.

I believe we have come a long way since the days of restricted workplace crèche facilities, willing parents, and child minders. Indeed, my own later experience of using a day nursery was very positive; there was some, although not total flexibility, to accommodate irregular weekly work patterns, and best of all a pick up from school service, which even stretched to a later run if children were attending after school clubs.

Occasionally though there would be the massive stress involved, if a meeting overran or the traffic was bad, to pick up before closing time. Clearly no child would be abandoned on the front door step, but I would always feel guilty if a carer had been obliged to stay longer on account of me – they too have a life beyond work, and should not be taken for granted.

So I was delighted when I met recently the owner of At Home Childcare, providing flexible home-based child care within the Nottinghamshire area. Although my son is no longer a candidate for childcare, I fully appreciate the value of flexibility, and hope that Yvette continues to grow and duplicate her business so that more working parents can take advantage of its benefits.

As the government and employers currently debate whether more flexible working practices will actually damage women’s career opportunities, where does that leave women business owners? In theory, with more flexibility to manage their time and balance the needs of their children with those of the business. In practice though it is not always so simple.

Here are some tips for all working mothers that others have found useful:

1. Define your boundaries

Be clear what is working time and what is family time, let others know, and stick to it.

2. “Where you are, be there”

Don’t cheat on the boundaries. If you are with a client, they deserve, and are probably paying for, your full attention. If you’re in the car with the children, it’s not the time to be planning your work day.

3. Be prepared to negotiate boundaries if they are not working for any involved party

This includes you and your own needs and wellbeing.

4. Include “me time” in your balance equation

Also time for everything else that is important to you. For more help check out a Wheel of Life.

5. Remember why you have chosen to be a working parent

Even if financially there appears to be no choice, keep at the forefront of your mind the benefits for you and your family of your working. If there really are none, a different type of negotiation is indicated.

For more information on this and related subjects contact sue@resolutions-for-change.co.uk

If there are any similar subjects you would like to see featured on this blog, please contact sue@resolutions-for-change.co.uk

Rebirth of a Blog

2008-07-18T16:22:00.004+01:00

After posting my first blog on limiting beliefs, I experienced a number of serendipities causing me to re-evaluate the focus of the blog. I realised that over the years I have been coaching individuals, there seemed amongst my female clients to be a recurring theme relating to belief and/or self belief.

Many of these women were already confident, self-assured and successful, and yet there seemed to be an invisible something holding them back.

I have never considered myself a rampant feminist, and escaped reading "The Female Eunuch" in my formative (and subsequent) years, but there is no doubt that many women struggle with beliefs we have inherited not only from our parents and families, but that our culture and social structure impose on us (we think!).

So this blog is now dedicated to working women **, who fulfil many different, and often conflicting, roles, and would like a place to visit and feel that it's OK to be a woman and express the range of ideas and emotions of which we are capable.

It is of course open to any men who wish to join the party, as I recognise that women are one part of the whole in which we operate, and neither functions effectively in isolation from the other. I greatly value my male family members, friends, colleagues, associates and clients, and the different perspectives they bring to my life and work, and encourage any men who wish to contribute to join in the discussions.

Looking forward to sharing with you in the weeks and months to come.

** This includes women who may not be paid for the work they do, such as raising children, caring for others, voluntary employment.

For more information on this and related subjects contact sue@resolutions-for-change.co.uk

Overcoming limiting beliefs

2008-04-11T14:46:00.006+01:00

How often do we as individuals subconsciously put on the brakes because we think we lack experience/expertise, or are not quite ready yet, or are afraid of what the next step will bring?

How often does a business delay the next important stage in its growth and development, only to find when it finally takes the plunge that the opportunity has already passed by?

There is much to be said for research, due diligence, and ensuring we have the resources necessary to move ahead, but very often it is not a lack of any of these, but limiting beliefs that hold us back.

They sometimes show up in our self-talk - "I'm not very good at this" - "I've never been able to ..." - or by our procrastinating over getting on with something (like me getting this blog up and running!) - or by our allowing other less important (and often routine, but therefore easier) tasks take precedence over the jobs that will enable us to really make progress.

If you suspect that a limiting belief is preventing you from moving ahead in your business or your personal life, here are some key steps you can take:

Identify the step that you want to take

Become aware of your self talk in relation to the situation or job in hand

Change the focus of your self talk from a negative and self-fulfilling prophecy into a more positive and solution-oriented approach e.g. "I'm not very good with technology" could become "I can find out how this works, and if I get stuck I can ask somebody for help"

Break the task down into smaller bite-size steps

Start with step 1, and give yourself a pat on the back when you have completed it

Move onto the next step, and celebrate when you have succeeded

Start collecting evidence to replace the limiting belief with a more empowering one

Keep moving ahead and repeating steps 6 and 7

Build up your network of resources to help you stay on track, whether that is friends for encouragement, a coach or mentor for support and clarity, or technical advisors for the mechanical expertise

Move on to the next challenge!

"If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right" Mary Kay Ash

For more information on this and related subjects contact sue@resoutions-for-change.co.uk